Unpopular Opinion: Why Fighting Over Wedding Planning is a Good Thing

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A lot of couples find themselves arguing on an entirely new level when they’re planning a wedding. When before fights were just all about where to eat or why one partner never texts back fast enough, now, in between cake tasting and engagement shoots, you’re all over who pays what and why a certain distant aunt gets to be invited. With all the exhaustion and stress, you end your day and climb to bed worrying if there’s ever going to be an argument that will break the both of you and make you call it quits. Here’s the thing, not only are pre-wedding fights normal, they can be, in fact, a good sign of a healthier relationship ahead.

Why Wedding Planning Fights are Okay

Although getting into an argument with your fiancé isn’t comfortable, especially in the flurry of wedding details, relationship experts believe that it’s a very apt preparation for marriage. It’s like a crash course for the life-long relationship. What makes wedding planning a good ‘training ground’ is that it breaks the ideal, perfect image you create about the new milestone in your couple life.

After you got down on your knee or said yes to your partner, you’re most probably on cloud nine. You show off your ring on Instagram. You pair it with a long caption of your undying love. And you believe that you and your partner are indeed meant for each other. If your proposal had been that dreamy, extravagant profession of love, with I-love-you skywriting, flash mobs, and fireworks, there’s a good chance you’ve slipped into wearing rose-colored glasses. Not exactly the kind of reality you want to have going into marriage, right? Enter wedding planning. No upbeat songs. No grand declarations of romance. In some instances, no romance, at all. Only guest lists, seating charts, and budget. A tight budget. And so the giddiness of the new phase of the relationship subsides. It wears off, until you’re left with your partner’s indecision over wedding invitation designs or cake styles. You now have a real opportunity to test the strength of your relationship through disagreements.

The idea is, when you’re able to get past that ‘honeymoon’ phase and remain steadfast in the midst of the shake-up of wedding planning, you have far better chances at having a successful marriage.

How You Can Be a Better ‘Fighter’

thinking about weddings

Given that pre-wedding fights are normal, and in fact, good for your relationship, the goal now isn’t to dodge arguments, but instead, work through differences and navigate disagreements more skillfully. In other words, you need to be a better ‘fighter’. Fighting not your fiancé, but the challenges ahead of you. One of the major obstacles you need to overcome is money. This is the cause of so many arguments, so you need to talk about budget first thing in your wedding planning. Know your priorities so you can determine right off the bat where you can allot the biggest chunk of the budget. At the same time, though, don’t neglect the little details, which are equally important as the big ones. Like for instance, the rings. Consider these yellow gold wedding bands for her as you shop and take note of your budget.

Another common reason for fights you should be prepared for is the division of duties. Grooms tend to leave all the tasks to the bride and go with the flow. You probably think that you’re doing your partner a favor when you’re not ‘meddling’ with their planning. But it’s also possible that they’re hurt over your indifference in the decision-making. Commit to picking up a few tasks. As for the brides, don’t micromanage. Trust your future spouse that they’re going to follow through.

Fighting over Wedding Planning

Again, it’s totally fine to fight over wedding planning. What matters is how you do it. Remember, in between the cake tasting and engagement shoots; the goal is to be a better fighter.

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